Every once in a while I get this strong urge to update my blog - to share my thoughts on life - and to express hakaros hatov for all of the good that Hashem does for me. Readers, I AM PREGNANT!!! I have yearned for this for so long...I literally trembled when I found out!
A lot of events have occurred over the past few months, but the biggest nes is that Dovid and I became pregnant naturally. No fertility treatment. After more than 4 years of trying.
I began working as a certified occupational therapist in February 2013. I worked through April, and then on my birthday discovered that I had contracted C-diff (an antibiotic-resistant bacterial infection) from the facility that I worked at. Needless to say, there was no way to prove that I had contracted the illness from work, and I was forced to take off 6 days while I began a course of Vancomyocin to clear up the infection.
Around Shavuos time, I finished the Vancomyocin and was pleased to get back to normal life. The medication had made me very bloated and uncomfortable, and I was excited to move on and become "super-efficient OT Estee" again. Well, this was not meant to be. Shortly after stopping the Vancomyocin, I started feeling effects of C-diff (frequent BM's, very watery and loose stools). This time, unfortunately, I needed to be hospitalized because I couldn't retain liquids and had become severely dehydrated and dizzy.
I was hospitalized end of May, ironically the same week that my parents came in from Detroit for a family friend's wedding. My parents were worried and sad that I was in this predicament, but thank G-d, I was able to be released from the hospital on erev Shabbos.
The very awful outcome of this entire C-diff debacle is that I was forced to resign from my job due to my predisposition to contracting the disease, most likely a result of my immunocompromised body (I take medication to combat my ulcerative colitis). I was bummed, and weak, and frustrated that I couldn't practice. I was sad and angry, but mostly I just needed to heal.
So I did. I rigorously stuck to my medication routine assigned at the hospital (until end of June). I relaxed a lot more often. I worked on eating more healthfully. I did yoga. I also signed up to do observation at a pediatric clinic on Wednesdays to try and transition into the pediatric area of OT.
The summer was difficult. All of my friends were pregnant. I was ashamed that I was unemployed. But I worked on keeping my chin up. We went to Shimmy (hubby's brother) and Leah (my sister)'s high school graduations in Milwaukee and Detroit, respectively. I visited my parents at their cottage in Port Huron on July 4th weekend. My sister came to visit me in Chicago. And we hosted a good friend's girlfriend for a little bit over a week. (Both boyfriend and girlfriend are taking off from work and school next year to learn in Israel and further their Yiddishkeit).
Tisha b'av was difficult for me - I was not allowed to fast while tapering my medication (Vancomyocin) due to increased risk of dehydration. I didn't like feeling like an invalid who was too sick to observe national Jewish holidays. But I knew that it was the right thing to do because my Rabbi had given me the pesak. I went to hear megillas Eicha with my husband on Tisha b'av night, and I strongly remember feeling so connected to the Jewish people and their pain. I thought about how we are all responsible for one another as a nation. And how our attitudes and tefillos really affect the judgment that Hashem bestows upon us. I watched a Holocaust biopic about a Holocaust survivor, and I went to the Holocaust museum with my friend. I kept feeling sick and decided to take a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was shaken. I showed my husband. I didn't know how to react. "We need to praise Hashem in the same way for bad and for good." How bittersweet it was to receive this news on a day when so many from klal yisroel had suffered.
I went to the fertility specialist for bloodwork and ultrasound. And they confirmed that I indeed was pregnant! The following week we saw a sac. And last week, we saw an embryo and a heartbeat.
"How great are Your ways, Hashem. All of them You have made with wisdom. The earth is full of Your creations."
