There have been so many changes in my life in the past two weeks...
1) I got a job!!!
2) I finally settled a 1.5 year saga with a friend from I/F group
3) I decided to do another frozen embryo transfer!!!

There are so many emotions whirling around inside me right now. I am very excited to begin working as an occupational therapist. I love my field, and I am eager to really make a difference in people's lives.

On another note, I feel like a lot have things have been changing for me on an emotional level. I spoke things through with a friend from I/F group, and she had such a different perspective regarding how our relationship unfolded during her pregnancy and beginning stages as a mother. I was very hurt, yet oddly relieved that I was able to resolve our disagreements. She felt that I hadn't been there as a friend during her happy times. She had a lot of difficulty empathizing with my situation and mostly felt wronged by me. I felt a lot of emotions regarding her, but mostly disappointed that she couldn't empathize with how I felt when it didn't suit her. I came out of this ordeal proud that I was able to problem-solve without disassembling, and also proud of how far I have come on my infertility journey.

Finally, my husband and I are planning to start a frozen embryo transfer in the beginning of March. I am very excited...I think these are very viable embryos and that overall my perspective has been a lot healthier this time around. I am also fearful - of weight gain, hormonal roller coasters, and disappointment. I am praying for the strength to get through this!

As I sit here waiting for my challah dough to rise, I think of all of the experiences that I've been through since beginning fertility treatment. My husband and I would LOVE to have a child (or 2!). But there is so much richness and depth that I have uncovered going through my infertility journey.

For starters, I have always had a more serious, black-and-white outlook on life. I used to view having children as an obligation or an inevitable, at best. Now when I think about having children, tears come to my eyes at the happiness that I would feel to be so fortunate. I am thankful to G-d for allowing me the chance to resolve and form closer relationships than I ever would have attempted before infertility. The measures that I took to work on myself, to change negative patterns and ways of thinking, and the overall experience of morphing into a better version of myself...i'm not sure that I would trade those. For the first time in my life, I am able to find calm and to genuinely love myself. I look at everyday occurrences and feel sorry that I was unable to appreciate the miracles being performed around me before this.

Yes, there has been a lot of heartache and pain, both mentally and physiologically. And then, there was the social ramifications to infertility that created tremendous stress for me.

I am a 26 y/o female living in Chicago. Life has been overall good for me. I grew up in a loving family in Michigan. I recently graduated with a Masters degree in Occupational Therapy, and passed my boards this December. I am married to a loving and devoted husband.

But life has thrown me some curveballs too. At 16 y/o, I went to rehab in Sylvania, Ohio for anorexia nervousa. At 21 y/o, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. And at 22 y/o, I began my battle with infertility (IF). To date, I have gone through many different treatments regarding IF. Upon diagnosis, I attempted both Clomid and Metformin treatments, neither of which was successful. I was subsequently deemed unqualified for intra-uterine insemination (IUI) due to the nature of my polycystic ovaries and my body's physiological tendency towards hyperstimulation. Next, I underwent 2 rounds of IVF. I have had successful embryo retrievals, but have suffered 3 failed embryo transfers.